Oh, Dabo.

As our gambling crash course continues, this week we tried the recommended college football “Moneyline Parlayapalooza,” where you combine several heavy home favorites’ moneylines and anchor it with a smaller favorite. Times being what they are, shenanigans struck.

Clemson was a part of both parlays I arranged this week. Less than four hours before kickoff, the heavy favorite had its game postponed due to a symptomatic player traveling with the team to Tallahassee, but not testing positive until Saturday morning after two negative tests. Ostensibly, anyway, according to Tigers coach Dabo Swinney.

Swinney blasted Florida State the next day, saying “COVID was just an excuse to cancel the game” against the big, bad Tigers. I also wanted to admonish the Florida State administration for ruining my parlays, but, sadly, no one called in for my own weekly teleconference.

So my wagers lacked punch, which I guess was a good thing when Wisconsin was upset by Northwestern. Thankfully, I suspected the coworker who told me to place that bet might be an utter fool, so I did another three-part parlay of my own: Clemson again, which was voided, Auburn over Tennessee and N.C. State over Liberty. That last game was more of a nail-biter than I’d hoped or anticipated, but voila, $19 gain. It was a net loss this week thanks to Wisconsin, but a small one.

So here’s the review: Low risk, low reward, not bad. I have to imagine the likelihood of hemorrhaging money week to week is comparatively low, especially early in a post-pandemic season, and you’ll have some extra NFL Sunday pizza cash. I’d absolutely revisit it. If you’re in this betting business for the high-stakes thrills, “Moneyline Parlayapalooza” might not be for you.

With the college football regular season winding down, I want to delve deeper into the idea of blood money: betting on your own teams. Does it spark joy? Does it ruin your fingernails? Does it blind you to faults and red flags and loosen your purse strings when they should remain knotted? I’m going all in and gluing myself to the TV this weekend. Speaking my teams’ names aloud feels jinxy, but I was born and raised in North Carolina. Do with that information what you will.

The damage: +$9.26.

National Problem Gambling Helpline: 1-800-522-4700

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