The Colorado Rockies started last season by losing 22 of 29 games in three North American countries that were friendly with each other.

The Rox were 1-2 in Canada, 0-2 in Mexico and 5-15 in the United States during March and April. Thank goodness they are not starting this year in the U.S., Greenland and Panama.

Instead, the Rockies open the major league season in a minor league ballpark Thursday.

And Denver’s Own Home Team already is out of first place. The Dodgers began prematurely with two victories in Japan.

But, then, the Rockies were not ever in first in the National League West or above .500 in 2024.

It sure would be nice if the franchise had a winning season for the first time in seven. Don’t break a mirror, Rockies faithful.

The Rox and the Rays play three games in the spring training facility owned by the Yankees in Tampa. The Rockies should win a game. The Avalanche and the Broncos won important games in Tampa in the past two years.

After the initial series in the Class A sandbox in Florida the Rockies travel to Philadelphia to play in the bandbox against the Phillies. At last, the Roxstars have a home opener against the club formerly known as the Oakland A’s.

The West Sacramento Athletics also will play this season in a minor league park.

If that information isn’t confusing enough, the Savannah Bananas touring baseball clowns will play the Firefighters (?) Aug. 9 and 10 at Coors Field before sellout crowds.

Meanwhile, the Rockies, ever thirsty for a promotion, are celebrating the 30th anniversary of Coors Field even though this is the franchise’s 31st season in the LoDo edifice at 20th and Blake.

Yet, the Rockies are the same team that recently proclaimed loudly and in large letters “Ballpark Pass — Your Ticket To Every Home Game $199’’. Not to quibble, but there’s an “*” and a couple of issues. The tickets actually are not valid for all home games. Excluded are opening day and the three-game series with, yes, the Yankees. Uh, ‘every’ bait-and-switch? And the tickets are for “standing room only” in the party deck, but sometimes for selective seat sections at the top of the stadium in the right-field corner. A price of $2.72 is remarkable if one goes goes to 77 games, but he or she has to decide the day of the game and can’t sell or even give away the tickets.

What is to believe about the actual Rockies rather than the new concession items?

Well, the owner claims that the Rox infield “will be the best defense, maybe in the history of the game.”

“Tinkers to Evers to No Chance” is the response to the delusional duck.

The lame-duck manager says that the Rockies eight-pitcher relief staff could be the best in his 10th season in Denver.

The Rockies’ projective payroll for this season, at approximately $110 million, will would be 21st in MLB and the lowest for the franchise (except for the Covid year) since 2015 ($109 mil). Yet, the owner is paying more money to two players than 18 other potential roster players combined.

Kris Bryant (worst signing ever) will receive $27 million and Nolan Arenado (worst trade ever). In ’24 both contributed identical results to the Rockies – nothing — at the same salary scale.

The Rockies are mostly made up of a purple plate special. Six pitchers and at least seven position players will be earning $800,000, barely above the minimum. That list includes Gold Glove center fielder Brenton Doyle and home run-slamming first baseman Michael Toglia and closer candidates Seth Halvorsen and Victor Vodnik.

The owner cries out for a salary cap, while the fans scream for a richer owner.

After spending several days at spring training in Arizona, I surmise that the Dodgers, whose payroll will be about $250 million more than the Rockies, are improved over last season’s World Champions, and the Diamondbacks will finish second in the division, with the Padres third, the Giants fourth and the Rockies fading fast in last at 63-99.

But, on Saturday, the Purple Rox split-squad shredded the White Sox 10-4 and drubbed the Cubs 7-3. Toglia homered twice.

No 100-loss season. Rejoice, Rockies.